I die inside when I think of you
by Sylph2
Summary: Kagome's been feeling a bit down lately. She can't understand why everything seems blown to the extreme or why she gets flustered everytime a certain, bad-mouthed half-demon, looks at her... I'm not good at summeries... (pg-13 and maybe even R for later c
1. Gray Skies

I die inside when I think of you  
  
2k2.12.27 -- 2:15 am  
  
Important notice: I do not own Inuyasha. As many other people do, I wish I did. Plain and simple. And even if you did try to sue me, about all you'd get would be a demon cat, a couple of stubby pencils, and some dust motes. Sorry.  
  
Crappy, but necessary author's notes: I'm not sure where I'm going with this story. It happens in a sort of "suspended reality" type setting, within the original Inuyasha story-line. I'm really only writing it as a method to restore myself to top writing shape so I can successfully complete my original titles (which are about vampires. go figure.) But I do hate not finishing things, so who knows, maybe I'll complete this. Just please be patient as I don't know where this will end. the idea just kinda popped into my head the other day. Also, I'm guessing at ages. I haven't seen the show enough to know all the little details yet, though give me a week or two and I'll know it like the back of my hand. Just. think loosely here, please? Also, the name is subject to change. its just doesn't seem to flow right to me!  
  
  
  
--The sky was a light gray that day. A happy, wistful color, usually reminiscent of cool breezes and clear, cloudless skies, of sleepy, but otherwise perfectly peaceful persons going about their daily work early in the morning as the dew dried upon the waking flowers and the sun woke from its midnight slumber upon the horizon's distant mountains to shed its warming light upon the newly awakened world. If you were to awaken to that silvery sky, your worries would have been wiped clean, if only for the moment, and you would have turned your closed eyes to the heavens and breathed deep, savoring the soft, clean scents of the new day, blissfully unaware of the daily toil that would find you a few hours down the road.  
  
--But for Kagome, the light gray of the sky was an omen of storms to come, of lightning tearing the sky asunder as cold rain sheeted down, pelting all of God's children with its icy touch as if reminding them that the shadows of life were still there; that they need only to look around the corner to see death looming ever closer. we are dieing the moment we emerge from the womb.  
  
--Kagome was a nice girl, though a bit unusual. She always seemed to be rushing about, a sandstorm within the midst of the tundra, her happy-go- lucky attitude always shining with eagerness and friendliness. She was loved by many, despised by very few. and those few were caught within their negative feelings only by the chains of jealousy and resentment that they harbored within themselves for all things bright and joyous.  
  
--Her appearance could almost be construed as average. of medium height and modest looking; until one got close and noticed the feminine, cat-like slant that shaped the corners of her eyes, the soft, healthy flush of pink that graced smooth, perfectly white skin, and the feathery texture of ebony hair that fell in her eyes in the form of bangs and fell down her back in a smooth wave to her shoulder-blades. She was beautiful, in the rare way that is usually not achieved, and then only by a few, before life's prime. Unfortunately, Kagome could never see herself as beautiful, caught so she was within the biggest lie any woman can tell herself. And so she hid her slim body behind sweaters, and long-sleeved, a bit-too-big, shirts; though one must admit, the occasional mini-skirt was not out of the question.  
  
--She was usually such a happy girl, one who would have joined the masses in looking blissfully to the early sky and reveling in the new dawn. but now, as she left her house for school, her large, yellow backpack slung unceremoniously over one arm, her gaze was cast down, hair falling to cover her eyes as she struggled not to cry - as she struggled to make sense of the feelings that had overtaken her during the past week or so, feelings that were nameless, but suffocating in their intensity.  
  
--And as she walked on, diligently placing one foot in front of the other when all she yearned for was the dark oblivion of sleep in her large, soft bed back home, only one answer was made available to her. these new, nameless mix of emotions that almost made her bipolar at their most extreme, seemed to be centered around one image, and one, damnable image only.  
  
--That of a young man, his form spread in sleep across a lone tree-branch, growling softly at some dream as he clutched, loosely, the hilt of his old sword while the night's playful breezes swept his silvery hair into shimmering ropes of brilliance.  
  
  
  
Hmmm. so, what do you think? I'm kinda wanting this fic to have a slightly dark feel as it goes well with the mood I need for my other writing. I was trying to describe the feelings most people get when stress has piled so much on their shoulders and they get so tired of dealing with it that sleep is all they crave. and don't crave all at once. and because of their desire to withdraw temporarily from reality, they think a lot within their own minds and start to realize things about themselves and what they truly feel towards other. hence the image of Inuyasha Kagome can't shake from her mind. If you didn't understand that. well damn then, I'll have to figure out another way of getting it across! I've been through it before and it made me feel like hell! *grin* thanks to all of you that took the time to read this. I appreciate it!  
  
--Sylph 


	2. School's a drag

**I die inside when I think of you**

**- School's a drag**

I do not own Inuyasha… if I did, I'd sure as hell not be here!

AN: alright, once more I'm going into this without a clear means to the end……… just adding on to it, and seeing which way it will go. I also figured out that fanfiction.net has a problem with showing the three dot sentence ending thingy……… which I use a LOT. Heheh *sweatdrop* ah well, on to the goods!

----------

   The walk to school was such a short one that many a time Kagome was tempted to just turn around on her heels and sneak back into her room and sleep. It would be so easy to convince her mom that she'd been at school and had just gone immediately to bed. But she steeled her resolve; she missed enough school as it was. 

   As the large brick building that was her school came into view over the slope of road before her, Kagome made herself shove down the melancholy feelings that had been plaguing her lately. She felt as if these feelings were her business alone to deal with; she didn't want to bother anyone else with them.

   As soon as she made her way into the squat building, she was swarmed by her group of friends. (AN: I don't know their names and seeing as they have only a bit part in the story, I'm not gonna bother looking them up). Kagome was once again swamped by the feeling that, no matter how nice they were to her, they seemed artificial at best… like little girls playing house. As with every time she saw them so soon after traveling home through the well, she couldn't help but compare them to the second family she had slowly acquired in the warring states era. She laughed, getting an image of Hikari, the girl currently clamping herself onto Kagome's left arm, trying to slay a giant demon with a large boomerang she could barely hold… it just didn't fit. In fact, she couldn't imagine any of these girls risking their lives for each other… and she wondered why that made her so sad. 

   "Kagome!" Hikari exclaimed, piping up for all the girls. "You're back!"

   "Yes." Kagome responded softly, with a wane smile. Even if they were a bit artificial, even if she couldn't see them slaying demons, their bubbly personalities and concern every time she needed to explain the next of her grandfather's wild tales was infectious and livening. 

   "Did the surgery hurt much afterwards?" Mina asked with awe, clamping onto Kagome's other arm after Sora removed the backpack from her shoulder. A vein began to tick in Kagome's head.

   '_What surgery??? Thanks a lot grandpa!'_

   "Umm… surgery?" she asked hesitantly – she was now being dragged up the steps and through the building's tall, glass doors.

   "Yeah!" Hikari exclaimed in a loud whisper, her eyes shifting about as if expecting spies at every corner. She stood on tiptoes to whisper loudly in the miko-in-training's ear, "yeah, for your breast cancer!"

   Kagome felt her heart stop and the tick in her forehead became unbearable. It throbbed even worse when Sora reached up to tug at her hair and asked, "Wow, is this really your hair? It's a miracle! Or is it just a really good wig?!"

   Our poor little heroine snapped then. Weeks of frustration, stress, sleepless nights, and multiple injuries, compounded by her current inability to look too long at Inuyasha, bubbled up in the form of exasperated rage that exploded from her in a wave of fury that would even have made Sesshoumaru flinch. Emitting a growl that sounded suspiciously like our favorite half-demon, she threw both Hikari and Mina from her arms and roughly grabbed her backpack from Sora's grasp.

   With fire blazing in her usually soft eyes, she yelled at them, tears threatening to form. She was tired of everyone at home thinking she was weak, thinking she was always sick, thinking that she needed to be coddled. Her side still throbbed where a boar demon had clawed her only days before – if her new family could see her strength, why couldn't these people, her old friends, see as well? 

   "Stop it! I'm not sick! I'm never sick! And I don't have breast cancer!" Oblivious to the crowd that had accumulated about the little scene, she cast a quick glance across the girls' astonished faces before turning and running down the hall, her shoes making echoing, rhythmic slaps on the tiled floor. 

   "What do you think brought _that on?" Hikari asked, no longer miffed. Sora just shook her head sympathetically. _

   "Poor Kagome, doesn't want to admit that she needs help if she's gonna be sick so much."

  "Oh well," Mina said, feeling a bit slighted by Kagome's outburst. "She'll just have to get over it. It's not like the rest of us wouldn't like to be sick so much and get so much time off from school. She acts like she has to save the world or something."

  And with that they walked off to their classes, giggling and joking as usual, their friend's burst of emotion already shoved to the back of their minds. 

  On the corner, Hojo, who had watched the exchange with some bewilderment and not a little compassion, shook his head. '_Poor Kagome.__ Her friends just don't understand that sometimes she needs to be left alone.' And with the thought in his head that he knew just what Kagome needed, he left off down the path Kagome had taken._

---------------

Well, that's about it for now… I promise that the gang will be included soon, if not in the next chapter. Thanks all who took the time to read my ill-begotten story! *grin*

--Sylph


	3. The Running of Thoughts

**I die inside when I think of you**

-** The running of thoughts**

   Thank you, thank you, thank you to those few of you that reviewed my story… dang, three chapters in one day… I really _don't have anything to do over my vacation do I?** hmmm… my Microsoft word program is saying that grammatically, the "I" at the end of the previous sentence should be "me". Hmm… "do me." *snort* sorry… *grin* well, I've given this a pg-13 or higher rating after all! **_

   Poor Kagome, she's all down in the dumps, doesn't know what to do! On to the story! (I'm hyper at this time… can you tell??? Yep, yep, yep, cookies can do that to a person!) 

   It should also be noted that I'm upping the ante so-to-speak on the ages of the characters… I'm not sure of the correct ages anyway seeing as I haven't watched much of the story – which isn't complete yet to begin with. I'm just more comfortable putting characters my age or higher in uncomfortable situations rather than fourteen/fifteen year olds (no offense to those in that age range. I just write what I know). Some elements may be a bit construed to fit my story, though I'm going to remain true to character personas as much as possible. I also decided that I'm gonna make this into a sort of drama/epic type story as well, though the main theme is going to remain centered around frustrated, angsty romance that turns out well in the end. It will remain Inuyasha/Kagome oriented… I'm just not into alternant pairings – I'm too much of an avid book reader/fan. Also, if you have any ideas as to funny things that could happen in a scene between Inuyasha, Kagome, and Hojo put together, please lend me an ear… I have this idea turning around in my head that won't leave me alone… and I find myself a bit lost when it comes to humor which is an integral part of the Inuyasha universe! (I also don't know how to spell Fonzee from Happy Days' name! aiiiiiieeeecha!) Ah well, on to the story!

   I do not own Inuyasha… though I _do wish I had him at the end of a chain right now… eh-hmm… *cough**cough* _

---------------------

   Kagome forced herself to dry her tears before entering the girl's locker room. She was already berating herself for her earlier outburst. After all, she had sworn not to involve anyone in her problems, hadn't she?

   Around the corner, Hojo was quickening his pace, hoping to catch the raven haired beauty before she made it into the locker room. He never had a chance to talk to her one-on-one after gym class started; her horde of clucking hens always surrounded her, waiting for every opportunity to pounce on both of them. Hojo supposed he should be flattered that they felt it necessary to call a war council every time he attempted to ask Kagome out to dinner or a movie, but admittedly, it was often frustrating and, from Hojo's opinion anyway, pointless and not really any of their business. 

   But just as he rounded the corner, he was forced to stop at the site of a large yellow backpack disappearing through the red painted door that labeled the girl's locker room. Sighing in frustration, Hojo turned, disappearing in turn through the next door painted, not surprisingly, blue.

-------

  Dressed in uncomfortably short, red shorts and a big white sweatshirt, Kagome leaned back against the cold, chain link fence that surrounded the concrete slab at the back of the school. She watched the hordes of high schoolers cavorting around it apathetically, looking upon them with a mind's eye that seemed to be in some dimension just this side of reality. It was only dimly that she noticed the uncomfortable tilt her head made due to her ponytail obscuring direct, flat contact with the chain link, was barely conscience of the pinch given by her worn tennis shoes.

   _They seem so… oblivious. So unaware… _

   The familiar twinge down her spine noted the close passage of a demon. Kagome looked up and past the grounds to the distant sidewalk where a man in a sports jacket walked through the early throng of errand runners, a modest briefcase clutched under his arm. His glance pinned hers even from that distance, feeling her silent scrutiny, nodding once as in surprised greeting or to say, '_I'm aware of you, I'm aware you seem to wish me no harm.' And Kagome nodded back saying, '__yes, I know what you are and I mean you no ill will as of this moment.'_

   This silent exchange only served to compliment her current train of thought. Demons, however currently subdued, moved among and through these people and they had no knowledge what-so-ever of it.

   Just as Kagome began to run along that vein of philosophy, another presence made itself known to her. She felt a small frown begin to tug at the corners of her mouth, but fought it down. Hojo was a nice boy, however ignorant. He didn't deserve the cold shoulder or her rudeness.

   Forcing a smile to her face, she turned to look up at him.

   "Hello Hojo!" Kagome almost gagged when she heard the sickingly sweet tone that emitted from her throat.

   '_God, do I really sound that__ bad?! No wonder Sota can never stand listening to me talk on the phone!'_

   Hojo grinned with pleasure, thankful that for once it was she that called out to him and not the other way around. He leaned against the fence beside her, arms crossed haphazardly and his head tilted slightly to the side.

   "How ya' doin' Kagome?" he ventured, hoping he hadn't botched the smooth, sexy-type voice he was attempting to put into use. Kagome's friends had told him she liked to be wooed. He chuckled a bit. Even if he considered her friends a nuisance they still had their uses!

   "Not too shabby," the miko offered as a gesture of peace, rather than her usual, clipped "fine". It was more a peace offering to herself and her own guilt for wishing Hojo would leave her be. 

   "That's great to hear! I was worried that you-" here he reached out with a bent finger to chuck her gently under the chin – missed slightly on the first pass and just clipped it before correcting his trajectory and chucking a bit too hard, "were going to be out for another week like last time! Hope it wasn't anything too painful this time!"

   "No, nothing like that…" was her wry response. She knew her face must have been a strange mix of incredulity and humorous astonishment, but also knew she could do nothing to change its expression. Every time Hojo attempted a relationship with her, he tried some new tactic, each one possibly as different as night and day from its predecessors. One time, he had even tried to dress in a leather jacket with his hair slicked back and ask her out Fonzee style.

   It was amusing to Kagome really, the way he tried to act all suave and debonair when he was actually a rather goofy, awkward kid - even if he did live alone. He seemed like a puppet hindered by strings, knowing what to do, yet unable to convince his body to work with him. He was nothing like Inuyasha, who's fluid, eloquent body movement served him well in the normal passage of time as well as it served him in battle. She couldn't imagine him ever appearing awkward – except for the few times she'd caught him off guard and he'd back away swiftly, a light blush flooding his visage. Even in his anger she could tell his seemingly unplanned explosions were well controlled; he moved within the flames of his fury, molding and shaping it to his will, rather than letting it shape him. It was a part of his demon side she supposed, a thing that mildly frightened her occasionally. Not that he realized it. Sometimes she couldn't understand why he never realized just how much like Sesshoumaru he really was. Or perhaps he understood and wished to hide the knowledge, hiding behind the wall of spontaneous outburst (not that she believed his puppy-like ignorance when it came to dealing with strange humans was a front!) 

   …and when she thought of Inuyasha standing before her, attempting the same thing as Hojo, it was easy to picture him doing everything right, right down to the sexy, seductive expression partly shaded by feathery bangs… to feel his presence as he moved slowly closer, murmuring softly as he inquired about her health… reaching with a delicately clawed hand to brush her ponytail back over her shoulder, his nail tips trailing goose bumps along her neck…

   "Ow!" she exclaimed, jolted from her thoughts. Hojo had accidentally thumped the large bruise on her neck – also acquired from her run in with the boar demon - in his attempt to move her ponytail… wait a minute… Hojo had been moving her ponytail??? 

   Kagome felt her face flush a million shades of red as well as her neck and the skin beneath her shirt, when she realized she'd been imposing Inuyasha's image over that of Hojo's clumsy antics. 

   '_I really need to not let my thoughts run away from me like that! I mean, I almost, I mean I was, I mean… INUYASHA__!!!' _

   Poor Hojo looked as if he'd been mugged, so startled he had been by Kagome's outcry!

   "Ka-kagome? What's the matter? Is it your back again???"

   "Wha-what?" Kagome forced her speeding mind to slow down, urging herself to berate her wild imagination later. She wasn't fully successful though, as her voice was still a bit shaky and her eyes were as wide around as a cat's under a dark sky.   
   "What are you saying?"

   "Your back! Is your back hurt again?" 

   Kagome could only stare without comprehension – she had become a bit too good at forcing her mind to clear – it had cleared so well, she couldn't get it moving again!

   Hojo leaned in closer, hands outreached in concern, wondering why Kagome had screeched and was currently hyperventilating with her body pressed full force against the chain link fence. Another hand, belonging to someone unknown, reached out to block his further advance though. He was forced to back up, blinking, when it was put in front of his face as if he was a car heading into oncoming traffic – which, in a way, he kind of was.

   "Wha?"

   "Whoa, easy tiger; let the lady have some room."

   Hojo followed the path the hand made, all the way up the slim, obviously feminine arm, to the unfamiliar face of a girl that appeared to be about seventeen or eighteen. She wore the same, regulation red shorts as the rest of the girl's gym class, but where Kagome wore a large, white sweatshirt as if to compensate for the amount of skin the shorts revealed, this female wore a white tank top that showed a slim band of midriff. Hojo found himself staring at her pierced bellybutton that sported a simple, silver stud.

   "Ah, never seen one of these before, huh? Girls at this school don't usually wear such things, do they? Well, sorry to spoil your fun, sweetheart, but my face is up here." She motioned as if cajoling a baby to perform a trick, directing Hojo's attention to a pale, heart-shaped face framed by razor cut, mahogany hair. Small, slightly pointed ears were pierced with three silver studs of ordered size in the left, and a loop and ruby gemstone in the right. Her lips were painted a shade just a bit lighter than black cherry. Her eyes were rimmed, darkly but elegantly, with black eyeliner blended smoothly with the rest of her makeup so as not to appear stark and unnatural.

   Kagome's gaze blinked back and forth between the two, her mind slowly starting to register things again.

   "So what were you doin' before you scared her half to death?" the girl asked with a knowing grin. Hojo just continued to stare silently at the site she made, his mouth open much like a fish's.

   "Ah, I know… you were gonna ask her out weren't you?"

   "Uh… y-yes." Hojo stammered. Who was this wild girl? (AN: my original character! *cheer*)

   "Well, from her reaction I don't think you came off the right way. How about next time, you try _not to hurt the poor thing? I think you'd find you get a more pleasing reaction. _

   Well? Hurry along now. I think your answer's no."

   Still unable to think of anything coherent to say to this strange creature, Hojo just nodded and began to back away. He could always ask Kagome out again later, when this girl wasn't around.

   Kagome fought through her haze and reached out a hand to grasp Hojo's sleeve. 

   "No! I'll go."

   The girl's eyes widened in surprise before she gave an odd grin and shook her head as if unable to understand Kagome's action.

   "Great! I'll pick you up at five this Saturday!" and with that, he hurried off, back to the boys' side of the slab. 

   "What'd you do that for?" the girl inquired. "It seemed to me as if you were thinking he was hellfire and damnation incarnate!"

   Kagome shook her head, wondering why she had consigned herself to another evening of Hojo's mindless chatter; no matter she felt she owed him for standing him up a few weeks before.

   "I owe him." Was her simple reply to the girl's question. Her head had finally cleared and she looked at the new girl with not a bit of curiosity. 

   "Are you new?"

   "Yep!" the girl sat down, her back to the chain link, motioning for Kagome to do the same. "Just got in from America three days ago."

   Complying with the girl's motions, Kagome's mood brightened suddenly at the notion of having the chance to give someone a tour of the town. 

   "You speak the language here really well!"

   "Thank you. I've been studying other languages – particularly this one because I adore anime and video games-" at this Kagome grinned broadly – "for a few years now. I've never really had the chance to use it much around native speakers though."

   "You do very well. You're a foreign exchange student then?"

   The girl cocked her head to the side slightly, a small grin lightening her features.

   "Of a sorts. I was adopted recently, you see by a nice married couple a few weeks ago. They were in the states visiting relatives who worked with my Home. That's how they met me."

   Kagome was surprised.

   "But isn't that unusual? American children being placed in non-American homes?"

   The girl put a finger to the side of her jaw.

   "Ah, but I was a special case, you see? The orphanage I was in when I was little tried to put me in many homes, but for some reason I never took to the families. Around the age of five they gave up, and since then, I'd been carted around to all sorts of various Catholic schools. I've basically been raised by nuns!" she laughed, a brilliant, reverberating chuckle that warmed Kagome's mood. In a lot of ways she reminded Kagome of Sango, if not in personality or look, but by the sort of innate attractiveness she possessed. She was an affable person – Kagome's instinct was that she's get along very well with this girl.

   Kagome laughed to, imagining the punk-rockish girl surrounded by nuns teaching her to sit up straight, to count to ten, or reminding her to pick up after herself. 

   "What allowed a Japanese family to adopt you though?"

   "Nothing else had worked, the government was getting tired of supporting me when I was so close to legal age of adult anyway – I'm sixteen by the way…"

   "Really? I'm seventeen. That's awesome… you look older!"

   The girl laughed again.

   "I get that a lot, believe it or not.

   Anyway, my new parents were willing, supported sufficiently financially, close to each other, raised in married homes… so they asked me what I thought, I said, "sure, why not?" and they said alright and that they didn't see any problem this time with adopting out of the country." She flung her hands out wide and shrugged, "So here I am!"

   "Wow, that's really amazing! Do you wanna come over after school today and I can show you around? Would your parents mind?" Kagome was really excited now. It was the first day in weeks that she had forgotten, at least for the time being, her depression and she saw nothing artificial in this strange young woman, nothing false or fabricated like in her other schoolmates.

   The girl thought for a moment.

   "I don't see why not. They told me I pretty much had free roam as long as I informed them first of my plans and made sure they didn't mind. They even said I might have a few people wanting to hang out with me, seeing as this town doesn't get that many strangers."

   The bell for next period began to ring out across the grounds then. Both girls stood up, ignoring the glares the coach was sending them for their lack of activity throughout the class. 

   "Alright, that's great! Meet me outside the gates after school then… my house isn't that much of a walk from here… in fact, no one's really is!"

   The girl nodded beginning to back away so she could collect the bag she had brought out with her from where she had left it before. 

   "No problem. Looking forward to it. Later!" she called as she started to join the crowd massing back into the school.

   "Wait!" Kagome called. "My name is Kagome! Yours?"

   The strange girl smiled genially and called back over her shoulder. 

   "Call me Reena."

----------------

   Well, there you have it. Damn, I wrote a long chapter this time. Reading it, it doesn't seem so, but considering how long it takes to type these things up… whew! I haven't written that long in a while… not since the love scene in my vampire book! Lol!

   Thank you once again to those of you that reviewed… I feel so loved! I even got placed on Panny-chan's favorites list! Do you really like my story enough to want to finish it? *cheer* *weep*

   Well, I g2g now… *yawn* so sleepy… gotta go curl up with Inu- uh, I mean, a nice warm pillow! (Well, I suppose both could be considered as warm and fluffy!) bu-byes!

--Sylph


End file.
